Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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