Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
