I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
