you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
