and i looked up. we had an audience...
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
