If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
