Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
why is half of my head shaved?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
