I cannot find my penis.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
