I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
