the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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