Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize