I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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