She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
