Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize