my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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