Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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