Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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