True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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