my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
There's always time for handjobs
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
