if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
