I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
