Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
