When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
When did angry sex become our thing?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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