I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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