He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
