Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize