Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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