fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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