It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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