if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
