I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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