there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
My Sexting was not on an AP level
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
