Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
