Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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