take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
