so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
