remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
