She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
