her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
