I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
