Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
