You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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