I'm laying in your front yard are you home
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
