It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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