As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
