ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
