I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
