there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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