VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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