So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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