forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize