dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
