I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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