Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
