If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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