there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
