you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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