then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
