kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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