Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
