ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I queefed so loud it echoed.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Randomize
