You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
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