Michael Bay diarrhea
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize