I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
