i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
