I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
