Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
