Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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