Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
