Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
