Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
He kissed a someone with a penis
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm having to shit out rocks
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