so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
