I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
