Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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