My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
